Mess is Mine
by Strzelec
Summary: Being an attorney means being familiar with all types of mischief, these illegal and these close to be, but not lawfully forbidden. It means also coming face to face with much more difficult matters, like moral aspects of the acts. Is lying harming if they won't find out? Is killing forgivable if it's in a self-defense? Is it cheating if he said he doesn't have a family anymore?
1. The Past and the Present

Hey, everyone!

So I guess it's the first fic about Batrina here (or wherever for that matter) and I admit, I was pretty anxious to publish that. Mostly because I've seen many comments showing dislike for Brian and for the idea of Batrina becoming a thing. I can not only understand that, I also agree with the opinion cheating sucks, is disrespectful and shouldn't happen. At the same time, I can understand _the heart wants what it wants_ and life isn't black or white.

It's full of greys and I intend on present there a full spectrum of them. Contrary to what you may assume right now, this story isn't about plain cheating. Maybe it isn't even about cheating at all? This decision you'll have to make on your own. Honestly, I don't know it either.

Life also likes to surprise us, leave us speechless and lost. How many times were you asking yourself - _what the hell am I supposed to do now? _Or worse, _how__ am I supposed to feel? Am I overreacting? __Was I wrong all along?_

Uncertainity is one of few constants in this crazy time we are given on Earth. They will experiance it too.

But enough spoilers!

If you're under eighteen, at some point you will have to close your eyes. I don't own the characters. I own just the twisted plot in front of you.

_(Because she's not over him and neither am I)_

Please, enjoy.

* * *

"_Uuu, man, have you seen that chick?"_

_Brian slowly lifts up his face after an endless rub to his eyes and tries to follow the line of sight of his friend. "No, God. But she's hot… Not your league tho," he snorts, looking at the other guy._

"_Not your either."_

"_Well, at least it looks like I have a class with her and you don't," Altman smirks, noticing the girl passing through the door he will in a seconds. _

"_Ugh, you lucky bastard!"_

* * *

_For the longest time she doesn't notice him. On the other hand, he isn't really trying to make her notice him either. He focuses on three things he likes the most: music, writing and debates. Brian spends a lot of time polishing his talking skills and more often he starts to hear he should think of a career as a lawyer. Usually he tries to laugh it off, but as surreal as the idea seems to be (there's no way his parents will ever be able to afford that), the seed was planted in his brain, waiting for a right moment to grow._

_He's not one of those cool guys, yet it doesn't bother him as well. He has his group of friends and whenever they have an occasion they meet for karaoke or singing in front of a bonfire. He's more of a piano guy but does on his acoustic guitar just as good. It feels so right to share music with other people, even though their voices aren't so clear and they never finish singing high tunes, breaking it with laughter. Sometimes, they ask him to sing what he has written and as nervous as it makes him feel, he complies. One night when clapping stops he sees Julie walking into his direction with a smile, making his stomach erupt in butterflies and he wonders if she was there for the whole time._

* * *

_Quickly he learns aspects about her he didn't expect. Some of them she tells him, another half he just observes. He has that picking skill he inherited after his mother, perceiving things that people usually are oblivious to. He even made mental list about her:_

_has a beautiful laugh,_

_loves when he plays for her,_

_everything about her is so lively,_

_she doesn't hesitate with words or decisions,_

_okay, she's beautiful as a human being, no just her laugh,_

_she literally never hesitate about anything and this impulsiveness disturbs rational part of him,_

_she's from well positioned family, an only child and her father is a lawyer,_

_she likes adrenaline rush way more than he does, but his willing to be more elastic about it,_

_she has ways to get what she wants (she's stubborn),_

_she adores his humor even though he can swear big part of what he says isn't even funny._

_It's the tip of an iceberg of what he wants to know about her. Actually, as he chases after her in the middle of the night into the lake, after the ride in his parents car he borrowed to sneak out, he decides he wants to know everything. Water around his calves is freezing, yet his heart is on fire and he's in love for a first time._

* * *

_He knows it's silly, these kind of dreams more girls area than boys, but he cannot stop himself. He watches her sleep next to him, her body exhausted after love they made and his body is too, it's his mind that doesn't let him rest. He always wanted his first love to be his last one – hours spent with his cousins on watching princesses movies clearly taking its tool – and deep down he felt it's going to happen. That it's happening right now. _

_Visions of their future are flashing in front of his eyes and he doesn't want to contain the smile. He will ask her father for her hand and he will propose in a romantic atmosphere. They will go through college together, whatever they will decide to do. They will get married and this dazzling young woman will have his name. They will move in together (wherever it will be) and they will arrange their place together. They will have each other backs in a way toward their goals. He will always try to fulfill her wishes. She will bear his children and they will be a family. _

_On its own accord, his hand rises to caress her face as the warm feeling spreads inside of him. _

_He's going to have it all with Julie. _

_It's a promise._

* * *

_Three blows hits him at once. _

_**First.**__ He gets to know the reason why Tony never picked him out for an interview at_ _Princeton. He has never felt so stupid as Tony's little brother was telling him the truth behind the bullshit story he had believed in so blindly. Where were his observing skills when he needed them?! In that moment he couldn't tell if he was more furious with Tony or himself. There's huge chance he is never going to see this bastard ever again as his life will be in Brian's dreamed college, so unfortunately he won't punch him in the face for what he did. Yet, he finds himself in a huge temptation to beat himself for an idiotic idea to trust his rival. It takes him a while before he decides there's no use crying over spilt milk and he has to move on. _

_**Second. **__Later that day his future father-in-law asks him to join him in the garden for a walk. It doesn't bode good but he follows him without further words. Hard to say what the conversation is going to be about, he waits for the older man to start. Truth be told, what he hears are not matters any future son-in-law would like to hear. He understands where Julie's parent protectiveness comes from, yet it doesn't make listening to a lecture about choosing his major wisely any easier. Brian knows music is not going to give him steady job (if any) and how much one earn in that particular business is a lottery, but he doesn't need remainder of that. Henry (that's Julie's father name) is not opposed to them as a couple, but he expects Brian to be the sensible one in their relationship as he is familiar with his daughter nature. _

_To sooth his worries, Brian tells him about his activity in school debate team and interest in law and he is meet with a nod. The man next to him is probably aware Brian's parents don't have money for that kind of education, that's why his response is so short but younger man swiftly assures him his grades are high enough he can try for a scholarship. Information is welcomed with more pleased expression and that's when Henry incidentally says that he hopes Brian can give Julie life on the same level she has now. _

_Part of Brian wants to counter as he doesn't see his girlfriend as a damsel in distress and she can work for her success too, but he shuts himself up and promises he will do everything in his power to meet his hopes. Though the part where he is told he won't get her father's blessing without the prenup, he would rather not think about. He doubts there is a clearer warning to stay away from their family money, another reminder there will be no shortcuts for him. _

_So it's set now – he is going to be a lawyer and he is going to work hard for that._

_**Third. **__When he returns to their house, he finds Julie in her room, casually flipping through the channels in the television. The second she sees him, she bombards him with questions why he was so sad today and what her father wanted. He sits next to her and patiently answers those inquiries, step by step explaining his day. He knows he is inevitably reaching the point when he has to tell her he chose law over music and he knows she's going to react badly, just as she does. She shouts he is wasting his talent, that law is the worst possible choice and she didn't know she's dating a yes-man. It sparks anger in him, his limits of understanding running low after a crappy day, but he tries to keep it down. The thing he really cannot comprehend is why she cares so much about him becoming a musician and when he asks her about it, she huffs something under her nose about being cool and tells him to go away, she's not in the mood to deal with him now. He has a sense it's actually the other way around, yet he bites his tongue, bids her goodnight and leaves, too tired for another fight this day._

* * *

_After many, many talks (scratch that, fall outs) Julie seems to finally came to terms with him choosing law over music, what brings him peace. Paralegal studies seems like a reasonable choice, maybe even making up for never going to Princeton, as he hopes. She – on the other hand – isn't really interested in continuing her education, but her parents insisted to do at least Bachelor's degree, so she opted for Human Resources Management, as she has seen it as an easy major. _

_And days go by. He studies hard, more and more falling in love with articles and loopholes, she does bare minimum to pass her classes. He stays up late to memorize paragraphs, she oversleeps for midday lectures. He gets afternoon and weekend shifts at a local bar, she usually doesn't even have to count the money to live through the month. But despite these superficial differences – their relationship doesn't suffer, some may even say it thrives. They go dancing at evenings, she steals his breaks at work to eat together, sometimes they skip school in favor for making love. Julie actually never stops to whimper about how boring law is and how she cannot understand his fondness for it, but he grows so accustomed to it, it doesn't bother him anymore._

* * *

_After the graduation, Julie and her girlfriends decide to make a month long trip around the country, so they don't see each other then as he works his internship as a paralegal in a bigger town near theirs. She calls two or three times a week and he waits impatiently, wishing to hear about their adventures. To his distress, they mostly consist of partying and unfortunately he knows how Julie party, so he pleases her to be careful. After last spring's events part of him is still uneasy about her doing something irresponsible, yet he chooses to trust she's not going to break her promise. That's what relationships are all about, right? Trust and love. When she swears she will be back safe and sound, he tells himself to stop overacting. She's a grown woman, who should already know her limits. _

_However, when he sees her on the train station, he has a feeling some awkwardness fell upon them. She kisses him on the cheek, not on the lips and insist to take her home, saying she's super tired and dehydrated and needs to sleep it off. Despite uneasiness in his stomach, he fulfills her demand._

_Next day he meets her and everything is back to normal, she assures him that she's fine and they go to the cinema like always. He figures out that if she's so chatty and energetic, nothing terrible happened and there is no sense in pushing for more information, making her annoyed (which she's certainly going to be) so soon. He will keep an eye on her though._

_After all, it's just good to have her close._

* * *

_Despite having it in mind for a long, long time, Brian decides to make an honest woman out of Julie when he is already in the law school. He's proud of his scholarship in a Columbia University, which is Ivy League nonetheless and his life starts to be going in the right direction with his part time job as a paralegal in the Financial Department one of the firms in New York. Sometimes he's met with laugh and jokes, but it's a solid job simultaneously giving him work experience that will pay off in the future. Truth be told, there are also other reasons he waited so long to make the final move – both of them carrying the name Harris. Julie's father, who's blessing was for Brian a key without which he wouldn't even try to open up that door and Julie herself. The events of their past, good and bad ones, made him reevaluate their relationship few times and he needed to make sure, that each time he comes to the same conclusion. Eventually, he did. _

_The proposal (despite not being the one he dreamed of) is taken straight out of the movies Julie loves to watch – in a romantic restauration, with him on one knee and a ring with a beautiful diamond (that he was saving for from the very beginning). To his surprise, she says yes without any hesitation and when he thinks about it later it's not surprising at all, because Julie acts and feels and lives, she doesn't overthink. The love they make this night is forever burned within his memory._

* * *

_Julie Harris becomes Julie Altman in the August, three years after Brian's proposal. Now, when he is BAR lawyer, it is the highest time to officially make his fiancée his wife. The ceremony takes place in big and magnificent garden belonging to the elegant restaurant holding wedding reception. There is no priest to tie their lives together, despite greatest efforts on his and Julie's parents behalf, as Julie decided she is not going to let any cleric marry her. For Brian it's a pill hard to swallow, because he thinks he believes in God and would love to vow in front of Him love to this woman, but he caves and lets her have her way. At least he is in a control of music accompanying the wedding and even he mentally pats himself on the back with his choices._

_Mussing about Julie walking down the aisle in long, fitting, sparkling with tiny jewels white dress will always make him goosebumps, but seeing her for the first time… He is breathless, words of his vows leaving him and tears gathering in his eyes. She smiles and comes to stand next, looking at him with that radiant grey eyes of hers. Time seems to speed up and halt at the same time and before he is ready to comprehend a logical thought, he is having a band on his finger and is kissing her in front of cheering guests. _

_Later on they sway to the romantic song in tight embrace, breathing each other presence as husband and wife, getting used to their new titles. He cracks some joke into her ear and she laughs and he can swear, it's the best day of his life. Everything is perfect, just the way it was supposed to be and he cannot wait get back with her to NY, the city of dreams and live their married life. Brian whispers his thoughts into Julie's ear and she confirms, what brings him a lot relief. As long as their feeling is mutual, they have nothing to worry about._

* * *

"Okay, nurse Joanna will wrap this little guy up and I would like to go with you through the examination, Mr. Altman," says little over fifty years old looking pediatrician, sitting behind his desk. He fixes his glasses back on his nose and starts typing on the computer on his left.

Brian gives one more look toward his son, who is currently being dressed back into his sleepers and entertained by young woman. She talks to the baby in sweet tone, bit higher than her usual one (he knows just because it's good to know your pediatric nurse, okay? It's not like that he's overprotective parent of first born, calling to the clinic every five minutes with random sneeze or bellyache… For the record, he only did that twice, he could do worse). Seeing Austin focused solely on the person in front of him – his toothless grin almost as wide as his face – he finally sits in front of the doctor.

"So, how's that go?"

"He is growing up and putting on weight just as he should. He also grew up out of most newborn reflexes, so it's within the norm. Every physical test I've run seems to be fine. You've got yourself pretty healthy son, Mr. Altman."

"That's very good to hear," he smiles, shooting a glance at the corner of the room where the subject of their conversation is being tickled and his baby laugh is mixing in the air with sounds of fingers moving over the keyboard.

"We also have his blood test results," older man stops in his tracks and turns to his right to fish an envelope out of pile on top of the desk. After checking four out of five, he finally finds what he is searching for and hands it to patiently waiting Brian. "There should be also information about how Austin's blood type has been marked, because as you know it is standard procedure to do this after few months from birth," he states calmly, going back to filling the gaps in a medical report.

Using the opportunity, Brian stretches his shoulders lightly and opens up white sheet, looking for any arrows indicating too high or too low level of some blood components and he doesn't find any, as he was hoping for. Then his eyes scan the bottom of the paper and he frowns, quickly going through the biology lessons from high school in his head. It just… doesn't add.

"I think the lab made some mistake," he says slowly, his gaze raising to medic's face. "Or maybe we took the test too soon to decipher Austin's blood type?"

Joanna glances at Brian above her shoulder, slight surprise on her face. "Why's that?" she asks, swinging the rattle in front of the baby before she gives it to him.

"Well, I'm O type and Julie is A. I'm sure about that," he states, his hand scratching the back of his head. "Or maybe it's fine? I don't remember very well these blood types crosses, we did some worksheets on that in school…" his voice falters, but his sight raises expediently.

"Mind if I'll look at that?" the pediatrician extends his arm for mentioned page and lawyer complies without the hesitation.

Doctor reads the expertise with scrutinizing eyes, muttering under his breath noises akin to _right_s and _good_s. Eventually he fixes his glasses once more and goes through second part of the test. With his other hand he makes few _click_s using a mouse, his face indifferent and his moves efficient. Brian's attention shifts for a moment to his son, who takes great pleasure in trying to throw the toy and how it magically lands in his small hands again. The most important thing is he's healthy.

The doctor clears his throat to gain Brian focus and when he does, his expression is a bit apologetic. "I ordered new blood test to verify your concern, Mr. Altman, but I have to admit… the technology we use for that kind of examination is extremely rarely wrong."

"What does it mean?" he asks confused.

The look doctor and nurse shares for a second too long makes him even more uneasy.

"It means that… There is no possibility for person with O type and person with A type to have a baby that is AB type," the doctor speaks slowly and carefully, giving the man in front of him time to follow his train of thought. In his career he had to deal with situations like that few times and he knew how these terrible news shake families to the core. Ordering new set of tests is honestly just a formality because they never come back changed and he – the father of three – can't even imagine how cold the blow feels.

Realization sinks deep in lawyer's bones, his gaze blurred for a moment as his eyes roam from _his _son to the medic. But when their sights meet, there is no room for misunderstanding as Brian is given sad, reassuring grin that makes his gut clench.

It cannot be true. Julie would **never ever** do that to him. They have been together for fourteen years, they know each other inside out, there is no chance she would betray him like that. She wouldn't been able to keep **that** kind of secret away from him, it's even less possible than what the doctor said. He does know his wife, she has troubles to be quiet about what she bought him for Christmas, let alone about cheating.

This is the reason he had to leave ZSLWW altogether, because Julie said she is not going to believe him that nothing happened between him and Katrina until he drops the job and find another one. So he did – with so many mixed feelings he didn't try to name them to avoid getting more hurt. He has been ashamed with himself on so many levels: for developing strange kind of fondness he had for Katrina, for letting his wife doubt his loyalty, for not being entirely sorry about that fondness, for letting his career got hurt by his emotions. Julie was so mad at him that he still remembered her anger two months after that damned dinner.

In his peripheral vision he sees the nurse taking Austin in her arms and placing the baby on her hip, still playing with the rattle to keep baby amused. Deeply exhaling, Brian runs his fingers through his hair, completely bewildered.

"I'm sorry, do you try to implicate that he's not…" the man starts, but he loses the power to finish.

"Mr. Altman, I'm not trying to implicate anything. I'm stating facts… I'm deeply sorry that I have to be the person who broke it to you, but… biologically speaking it's unlikely for Austin to be your son."

It cannot be true. It's not happening. Brian's face contorts as the realization hits him and his heart sinks. Part of him – his lawyer side – wants to discuss, negotiate, quarrel, do anything he can to change the judgement he sees as unfair. He swallows thickly.

"How sure are you about it, Doctor?"

Older man sighs, watching the nurse putting boy in the stroller, fingers of his right hand tapping on the surface on the desk. "Ninety nine percent sure, Brian, I'm sorry." His gaze lingers on the infant being secured inside baby-carriage. "I've checked yours and your wife's medical profile and you're not wrong about both of your blood types and I have never got false blood test from our lab, so the only sensible thing is…"

Long pause follows and Brian's face is getting paler and paler with every second, yet his heartbeat increases. Breathing becomes harder, just like his ribcage got smaller between his last question and the answer, less oxygen cursing through his body. He tries to sort out his physiological responses in order to maintain composed impression. It's too much and he doesn't even started with his mental experiences.

Not getting attention from any adult for a moment, Austin begins to make malcontent grunts, close to crying. Out of habit, Brian reaches for him with his long arm, trying to sooth him by caressing his small head. The sensation of his tender hair under his palm feels kind of surreal in a new light doctor's words shed upon their lives. He has so much love for this tiny human, always considered his son a miracle – a gift of his and Julies affection, but right now… No, he can't get there. Not in clinic's room, not in front of these people who are already looking at him with pity. He's aware they try not to, by how fast their concerned stares shifted to whatever matters they could, hands busying themselves. Nurse Joanna starts to clean the examination area and doctor closes computer program.

He shuts his eyes briefly, biting an inside of his cheek.

"Is this appointment over?"

"Yes, yes it is. Everything I wrote is accessible for you online in your patient's catalogue in our application. As well with… blood test results," medic says, nodding to confirm his statement.

Lawyer stands up abruptly, paper sheet that broke his family clutched in one hand, the other moving to grasp tightly on the holder part of the stroller.

"Thank you for your time," he speaks kind of detached as he leaves the office.

Medical team shares one more glance and the doctor mutters under his nose, "It was easier before these all paternity leaves and caring fathers…"

* * *

**Tell me what you think. If you didn't like it, I need to hear it too.**


	2. Confrontation

So... there goes the second chapter.

* * *

The ride home was awful and felt seven times longer than usual, as the only thing he could think about was the truth he learned from the doctor. When first shock worn off and he got the grip on his body reactions, he had to fight a bigger issue – the avalanche of emotions threatening to swallow him completely, half of them so foreign he couldn't even describe them.

He used to thought about himself as even-tempered person through his whole life, but he was aware he had it in himself to shout and bite when the situation needed. And getting so worked up on his way home probably wasn't the best idea, but the image of Julie relaxing there, when he – after ten hours of work – had to run with _probably not his_ son to prescheduled appointment, made him so annoyed he couldn't stop himself. Okay, it was his idea to grant his wife with free afternoon, but right now he was regretting his selfless decision. And that wasn't the only decision he started to regret.

By the time he opens up the door, he is ready to make Julie sing and frankly – he cannot bring himself to give her more than one chance to explain this whole wicked nightmare, so it will have to be enough. He always tries to be the most caring, gentle, compassionate himself with her, but not this time. He was letting her typical mood swings slide since they had been dating and has been dealing with her blind stubbornness as long as he knows her, which is especially irritating when she has that impulsiveness trait of hers. But **this**? That's something on such high level of… everything he doesn't know how to process it.

Swinging the hard wood open, he pushes the stroller with sleeping baby inside, leaving the carrier behind the sofa. Brian pulls the covers off the boy to prevent him from overheating and looks around for his wife that doesn't seem to be in the living room. Unceremoniously marching off to the bedroom, he finds her sitting in the rocking chair, swaying and playing in some game on her phone. He takes deep and loud inhale, his jaw tensing. She notices him then and her head rise slightly to greet him.

"Hey, honey. How was the appointment?" she asks, absolutely oblivious to what's going to meet her.

"I'll tell you how was the appointment," he starts, putting great effort to make his demeanor as cool as possible. "But first you'll read me something," his long legs carries him to her and his arm stretches with a wrinkled piece of paper, "out loud."

She watches him wearily, "you look like you've got to know I decided to not vaccinate Austin," she half smirks to indicate she's joking, but he doesn't react in any way and his gaze is solely focused on her. "Since you became a lawyer, you're so stiff, God. Okay, I'll read that."

Her fingers grasp a sheet and she tries to flatten it on her knees few times. Finally she brings it to her eye level and when she's just about to start, he interjects–

"Just the second part," and his voice is so cold, she has to double blink in weak attempt to understand what is going on.

"Austin Altman, age: ten months, marked by: Gertrude Rezinck, M.D, type of blood: AB Rh+," she shrugs and shakes her head slightly. "And?"

"And?" he mocks her, shaking his head as well. "You don't see it or you don't want to see it?"

Her brows furrow and she's clearly getting annoyed.

"See what? What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the evidence that Austin's **not **my son," he thought when these words will leave his mouth he would be shouting them, yet they come out so evenly that he is surprised. "And that you cheated on me."

Julie opens her lips to speak, her irises widen and for a moment she freezes but recovers objectively quickly, he has to give her that.

"What the hell…?! Brian, are you out of your mind?! Of course Austin **is**your son!" her tone rises and so does she, pushing herself from her sitting position. Her upright 5'11" of height makes the difference between them smaller and she gathers more reassurance.

"You're gonna wake him," he states matter-of-factly and shoves one of his hands into the pocket. "And you might reconsider giving me that bullshit, because you'll not get a second chance to explain this."

"There's nothing to explain! Your accusations are ridiculous! How did you even came up with that shit?!"

"It doesn't take medical education to comprehend that O and A don't give AB type, Julie. And even if it would, doctor was that nice to confirm that for me! I can't believe you did that. You of all the people!"

"You do that only to retaliate after your affair with that blonde, don't you? Missing her already, huh?!"

Looking back, he will not be able to pinpoint what exactly triggered him: his wife's try to lie to him **again**, her trying to turn it around into his fault or straight affront into Katrina's direction. Probably all of the above, as his open palm shoots to the nearest surface and thud echoes through the room. It makes Julie jump, her body instinctively retreats from him.

"Julie, I **swear** – if you won't come clean right now, I'm gonna walk out of that door and this whole goddamn marriage is over," he almost drawls through clenched teeth. The darkness in his eyes matches one in his voice and she seems to be getting the notion. He's not threating her, he simply draws the rules of this conversation. It's take it or leave it and she knows that.

Her attitude softens, he notices her body language change to defensive and tears start to fog her eyes.

"Brian, I…" she says breathlessly, her hand covering her mouth on its own accord. "Please, calm down a bit. Sit."

"No," he cuts her and adds in the same manner," and don't stall it. You waited long enough." Then he tilts his head, new look of bewilderment on his face. "Would you ever tell me if I didn't find out?"

She can't decide if the question is rhetorical or not, so she chooses safer option: ignorance.

"Brian, please… It's not what you think it is…! It didn't mean anything to me!" she hugs herself, her face reddens and contorts into ugly grimace. "I couldn't have known Austin won't be yours!"

"Why? Because you only had sex once?" he sneers, shaking his head. What he haven't seen coming is the expression that speaks lengths about it not being one night stand but real affair. "Oh, you have to be fucking kidding me!" he curses strongly, hand on the closet curling into fist.

"You don't understand…!" she sobs, her body somewhat shaking. "I… I was feeling lonely. You got better job and started to work this insane hours…" she needs to pause, swallowing tears and rheum. "I was coming home after work and you weren't there and life was getting so tedious. Everyday looked the same and you know I hate routine. It wasn't the same to watch tv shows without our sassy comments."

"Are you really trying to tell me you cheated on me because you couldn't watch television with me?!" he thought this situation couldn't get worse, but he was wrong. He was so fucking wrong, there was no scale for being that kind of mistaken. Thinking about the reasons why his wife betrayed everything they build together was difficult task but even in his worst predictions he didn't stumble on something so _pathetic_.

She laughs bitterly. "I knew you won't understand if I'd tell you. You could spend the next year eating the same food, wearing the same suit, spending the remains of your free time doing exactly the same things and it wouldn't bother you at all. Life isn't supposed to look like that!"

"Enlighten me then! Because you didn't say a word how miserable you felt and you never had problems with that!"

"I didn't want to be the one who'll cut your wings!" new wave of tears appears and she dries them angrily. "You were so excited you'll finally make a career."

"**Don't**," his eyelids close for a second when he tries to keep the fire in his veins under control, "you were commenting how awfully mundane my chosen major was throughout all those years of studies and after that, yet you've never critiqued how much I earn. I wouldn't make it if I'd go with music and you seem to forget that."

Despite his great efforts to not fall for her trap of guiltiness, the part of him – husband part of him – starts to question whenever it may be his fault as well. Dinners in nice restaurants, music concerts, her spa trips, jewelry and clothes, fashionable apartment – these are things he always wanted to be able to give her, twenty years old him dreaming of treasuring his future wife with the best there is. His family wasn't so wealthy as hers, his parents couldn't even afford to take him to Princeton, so he was aware he has to work hard to achieve his goals. And he did, he does. Is it possible he was so focused on the future he missed the present? Neglected Julie?

"This wasn't about the money, Brian! It was about the **time**. I wanted to have life with you and your life was with the firm."

"You knew it's gonna look like that for a while, Julie. We talked about it many times. You promised me you'll be okay," nasty feeling starts to mull in his stomach as ire turns into pique and grudge. "You vowed me highs and lows, victories and losses, that no matter what's gonna happen we will talk this through and make it right."

Her fingertips out of reflex touch the band on her hand. "I couldn't find it in myself to bring it up," it's weak excuse, even she knows that. It's not the first time when she avoids tickling the issue either and they know how it ended the first time. But she hopes for that changing atmosphere to settle inside of him, breach the fury and replace it with that soft man she usually sees. Telling him the truth would shed too hideous light on her and she's sure he would leave her right here and there and she cannot afford that. Not with her liking for the life she has and with the real father of her child doesn't even knowing about his existence.

"So you decided the best way to fix that was to have an affair?"

"I screwed up. I fell for allure of a person who wanted to use me. You know something about it, don't you?" she raises her eyebrow.

Yes, he does. Or maybe he doesn't. He doesn't know what is what anymore.

"He was seducing me and I caved. He was telling me sweet nothings, I believed him and that just… sort of happened… It was a fling. I feel so, so ashamed of that, Brian. If I could go back in time and change it, I would."

He watches her with hurt so evident, it makes her swallow.

"How long?"

"Three months," she blurts out, choosing safer number. That's the real time in which she and one of the bankers from her old firm has been truly physical… Because counting not so innocent hugs and stolen kisses would only create more damage to what's already messed up.

His features harden back.

"_**Fling?**_ You call three months a_** fling**_?!"

She curses herself under her breath. She knows she's at the disadvantage and has no idea how to make this situation more fifty-fifty, yet keep him from throwing daggers at her. She already tried crying (what was actually easier than she expected) and shifting the fault on his side isn't getting her nowhere.

She does feel terrible Austin is not Brian's son, but she can't change it now, even if she wish to. She has a sense it's the first time she doesn't know what to say, how to counter words showed in her direction as the fault obviously is hers. She got away with many misbehaviors through her life with thousand different methods, however she never did as wrong as that, her sins from vacation trip looking pale in comparison. Long forgotten shame starts to reappear in her mind and the only thing she can hope for is Brian's love for her and _her_ baby is strong enough to let _their_ family survive.

She shrugs her arms defensively. "I don't know what to tell you, Brian. I'm sorry. I was too weak to say no."

Bitter taste in his mouth makes him nauseous as he grits his teeth. Everything is incoherent about this conversation, both of them moving from anger to anguish and back within seconds and he always hated rollercoasters, physical and emotional ones. The stages of grief? It seems he's going through all of them at the same time.

His sight lowers and he feels so fucking tired, yearning to go back to the reality where person he considered love of his life didn't betrayed him and didn't make him raise another man's child. He longs for a simple safety of knowing his life isn't falling apart. Thanks to Julie, now it's impossible. Little voice in his head uses the opportunity to remind him that if he would knew from the beginning, if he would notice what's going on, his and Katrina's story may took different course. Not bound by vows and bands anymore, he wouldn't have to fight with that _pull _and break her heart leaving. He could teach her good films and music, take her out to dinners and _touch her_ without regrets. Need to do the last part concerns him the most.

"Who?" he asks, trying to focus on the conversation.

"Guy working at my firm, you don't know him."

"I hope I don't because I'd be on my way to beat the shit out of him," he finds himself saying. It's not his usual selection of words but nothing about the moment is usual and he hears such accurate comments on daily basis, why cannot she. "Who was first?"

"He, I told you."

"Who finished that?"

"Me."

"Why?"

"Because…" she hesitates, "I found out I was pregnant. I knew our life is going to change and I couldn't continue it. I needed to focus on our home."

"And it didn't cross your mind it may not be my child? As you said I wasn't much home, so we haven't been much intimate. The odds weren't on my side."

It did, but she hid this worry deep inside with a prayer to the God she never accepted that if she will never find out the truth, then no harm was done.

Her silence is his answer.

"Here?"

She swallows. "Yes…"

He glances back at their queen sized bed and disgust joins explosive mixture in his veins. Maybe he shouldn't be digging, maybe he should spare himself more aching, maybe he will never grasp the reason why. But understanding is such integral part of his nature, there's no way he's going to leave any case unresolved, especially not _this_.

"Why didn't you tell me anything when it started? Let's say I believe you felt lonely and that part is my fault," it pains him to admit that, yet it's not the time to deal with disturbing sensation, " but why didn't you tell me? When you started having feelings for him?"

"I told you it didn't mean anything for me…."

"For fuck's sake, Julie–"

"Did **you **tell **me** when you started to fuck that _bitch_?" she spits last word out of her mouth in a sudden outburst, remembrance working her temper up.

She knows he didn't cross any physical lines with her, it might have been some sort of infatuation, although having the taste of her own medicine – even in that slight form – pissed her off extremely and she made him pay for it. And right now? Only because he is a lawyer it doesn't give him damn right to interrogate her.

Despite not being the most observant person, even Julie can sense when the last straw breaks. Talking about the lines, she just crossed the most crucial one and there may be no going back from that. He practically rips off his wedding band from his finger and throws it on the cabinet. She has never seen him so furious, his face creased with rage marks and brownie brown of his eyes almost black.

"What the fuck did you just said to me?! How fucking _**dare**_ you call her like that when you _**know**_ nothing has ever happened between us?! _**I'm done.**_I wanted to give us a chance but I'm not giving shit about you from now on. The girl I _fell in love_ with, the woman I _married_ – she would **never** do that to me. Live your life, fuck around, I don't care. You're not my wife._ I'm done_," Brian shouts as explosion caused by her sparking words rolls down his body.

He spins on his heels and without looking back makes his way to the entrance. Julie catches him in living room, tears now flooding down her face and pulls his hand to stop him from leaving, but he wrests it out. Done means done. Brian opens up the door with too much force and shuts it closed in the same manner, not giving a thought to the sleeping baby nor the crying woman behind. It's not his problem anymore.

* * *

Devastated. Right now it's the only word nearing to describe his state of mind. But what else can be expected of the man who just lost his family?

As long as he was walking through the city without concrete sense where he is going, that long he was able to keep it together, driven by ire. But when he finally found himself on a bench in a darkening passage of green few crossings away from his home… _apartment_, his angry red thoughts slowed down and despair started to take their place. It's like someone has ripped his heart out from his chest and for the first time in a very long period he thinks of crying. Last time he did, these were happy tears of meeting his baby boy in the world. … No, not _his_ baby boy.

He feels silly when his eyes start to water but can't help it. He always wanted to be a father and becoming one was breathtaking process, both tiring and exhilarating and so, so fulfilling. Awareness he is responsible for creating a new life gave him chills, the most tangible evidence of his existence on Earth. Not only that, the fragile soul he will always put first and love no matter what and oh, the amount of love he has for that little human being is infinite. It's something so thrilling he couldn't ever imagine it before holding his tiny body in his arms.

What is he going to do with that instinct now? Does he even have a right to keep that affection? Isn't it another's man privilege? Austin is Altman but if this bastard would come claiming him, Brian wouldn't have grounds to keep the baby.

He blinks tears away, weak effort to not fall apart in a public place. Everything is so messed up, his mind is humming with thousand different questions, each more confusing than the last one.

Was he really such a terrible husband? Did he neglected his wife's needs so much she had to turn into another man's embrace? Or were there other reasons for what she did? Did he promised her something Brian couldn't give her? Did she do that for thrills and excitement as she used to break rules when she was younger? It's not possible she cheated on him simply because he had less time for her, isn't it? Or perhaps it is? How the hell has he not seen it coming?

His head is heavy when he places it between his palms. He has never been a part of those runners, people not facing the music when their time has come, cowards who don't see their own faults even if those are big as house. Yet he can't fight the growing and gnawing sensation he has just become one as denial tries to sweep him, defending his actions. He was doing everything for _them_, to assert their life and the life they wanted to have in the future. Long hours spend at work were supposed to bring them closer to the dream of their own place and yearly vacations. But were his doings so selfless as he wants to believe, though? Is he really the person he thinks to be?

Groan escapes his mouth and part of him wishes he would never find out. This way they could live in their bubble and his heart would be in its place as it should be. Although squeezing his closed eyes, he knows it's not an option, never was. One man said that in the end, the ugliest truth is still better than the prettiest of lies. He tries to hold onto that sentence as to a saving line, last thing preserving him from drowning in sorrow.

He needs to talk. He needs to get this all of his system and let someone with different point of view show it to him in a new light. Someone who can comprehend coherent idea, someone logical and sensible and opposite of what he is right now, someone to pick him up because he is on his knees and doesn't know how to stand anymore. Someone…

_Katrina._

No, not her. He _can't_. Not only because it's trading dangerous waters, but also because he broke her heart almost as much as his was broken.

_She will get you. She will have your back. She always did._

It's not fair. He hurt her badly and she doesn't deserve to carry his burden in addition. She probably hates him for what he did and he cannot blame her for that, the action saving his ass more than hers. He can just hope she handled it the best possible way she could, no matter what it was. If it was resent, then he has to accept the fact. Maybe she will forgive him someday and they could be friends again.

He didn't speak it out loud or even form an actual thought, but he missed having her in his life, despite how short lived their friendship was. If not for the threat of something bigger, something forbidden hiding behind the corner, he wouldn't have to give her up. But what's done is done, isn't it?

_It doesn't have to be. You'll never find out if you won't try. _

He sighs straightening up. He senses himself caving but tries to stop it nonetheless. What is he imagining? She may as well close the door in front of his face before he will utter a word. She's one of the most rational people he knows (sometimes even too much) and this would be perfectly rational act.

Looking around he notices how dark it is, evening settling in its full glory. She may be home already. She most definitely will be home by the time he will show up at her place, it's not that near. His body starts to feel restless, his legs itching him to move.

_If she still has that perplexing ability to completely separate emotions from her judgement, this might be your chance. If she will listen to you, she's the person to sort it out for you. _

He stands up and for a moment hesitates, wondering if he is ready to take another swing if she decides to screw him over. There isn't much to lose on his side though. Brian isn't sure if he still has his dignity in the least and if he doesn't… Well, fuck this. This day cannot get worse even if she would slap his face and yell at him to go to hell. Somehow he can see her doing just that, the memory of her outburst on the last case reappearing in his mind.

_And if she won't be able to hear you out, maybe she will borrow you PATTIE._

He actually snorts on that, finally confident enough to grant permission for his feet to carry him on. This program was the reason why their whole relationship started and as rocky as it was in the beginning, he wouldn't have it any other way. If they managed to find middle ground back then, perhaps they will now as well.


	3. No Barrier

I think it's time to start sending thank you to the people without whom writing this fic wouldn't be so enjoyable and probaby wouldn't even happen up to this point.. Yeah, I'm talking about you V, you're my beloved cheerleader and I'm so glad to have you by my side.

I'd also like to thank people who are reading and leaving there any sign they do - it really makes me more confident I'm doing something right.

Okay, third chapter... Let's get it started.

* * *

She puts away her toothbrush in its place and rinses her mouth. Over running water she thinks she hears knocking, but when she stops it, the only sound she is met with is a working washer from the floor above, so she gets back to her activity. She finishes and dries her mouth with a towel and that's the moment insisting serie of knocks erupts again.

Katrina frowns to herself, because she's certainly not expecting anyone. Especially not tonight as her plans consisted of a shower, pajamas, a cup of green tea and further reading Copyright Law of United States. She developed that habit short after Brian's departure from her life, the method to fall asleep without thinking of _him_. She had to ditch crying at some point as it was flat out childish and not a solution to her problems. Truth be told, she felt ashamed for tearing up over someone she didn't even have a romantic relationship with, but she kept telling herself _it's okay_, because Brian was her _friend_ and when a friend leaves you, you are allowed to shed a tear or two, right?

In her case it was rather an ocean, but she promised herself she will not get back there. She replaced an inefficient pattern with a didactive one and that's how she intends on keeping her life. In a constant state of progress.

Katrina rushes to the door, actually regretting she doesn't have a peephole to check out who her disturber is. She opens up the barrier and has to double blink, not believing her eyes. Her mouth widen slightly in a silent shock as she takes in Brian's presence.

His long body is leaning on her doorframe, his hands griping the edges just above his head, his hair sticking in different directions more than usual as if he had been scratching it too much. His clothes are somewhat wrinkled, his tie loosened and crooked. But she forgets about all of the above the second she fixes a stare on his face. It takes one look at him to say something went horribly wrong, his lips a grimace and his eyes… She has never seen a man so exhausted, lost and suffering as she does right now. Without an acknowledgement, her expression matches his and worry covers her features.

"Brian… What happened?" against all his predictions her voice is velvety and soft and he cannot be more grateful for that. "Austin? Or Julie?"

"Both," he says enigmatically and she inhales, probably guessing the worst. "But no, it's not what you think."

Confusion mixes with a concern as she tilts her head.

"Then what…" she starts, but her voice falters with a noticeable question mark on the end.

Instead of answering, he frees his hands from her doorframe, an assurance of its hard outline no longer needed and takes step inside, causing her to take a step back. The move refocuses her gaze from his face to the absence of the gold ring on his finger. She gets more unsettled by each second.

"You took off your wedding band," she states, her head rising back to his.

That simple motion directs his attention to the height difference between them, lack of her high heels creating fair eight inches of a contrast and it's the first time he realizes how short she is. How… _small _she is in comparison to his size. Her shoes and solid demeanor being a trick he fell for as everybody else.

"I'm not going to need it anymore," he admits, closing the door blindly behind himself. He watches her blue irises widening with disbelief, lips parting again and something stirs inside his gut.

"I don't… I don't understand," she stutters. She wants it or not, despite two months long break his glare still affects her. Shiver goes down her spine and in an attempt to hide her reaction, she crosses her hands on her chest. Honestly, it's all the encouragement his eyes begged for to lower his sight down her body and the conversation he prepared on his way here starts to dissolve from his mind.

He noted before her hair being casually swept into a messy bun on the top of her head, but only now he becomes aware of the creamy column of her neck. Every piece of jewelry she might have been wearing during the day is taken off, same goes with her usual clothes and what she has on instead… It's not a matching pair of silky set woman of her status might wear, it's Ravenclaw's large T-shirt and black shorts. The underwear showing, or rather _showing off_ a pair of nicely shaped legs. It's the most he has ever seen of her and the position her arms have taken – drawing out the shape of her bosom – is not making it any easier to remember he came here looking for a _friend._

Brian swallows and returns his view to her face.

"Long story short, I was at the appointment with Austin and got his blood tests results that say he's **not** my son," he makes a pause, meaning of these words filling him again and he needs to take a breath to carry on. "When I confronted Julie at home we got into huge fight. She admitted having an affair."

Katrina's palm rises to cover her mouth, her brows narrowing and she's dumbfounded. She can only imagine how ruined he must feel, her own ache forgotten the moment she saw him at her doorstep. After all, he didn't promise her anything he didn't keep, as hurtful as his disappearing was, he had every right to quit from the firm (and her in the process). But his wife vowed him loyalty and much more, breaking such pledge is unbelievable.

"She made me think I have a happy family," his palms curls into fists and his eyelids close for a moment. "That I have a family at all. She lied to me the whole time."

"I'm so sorry Brian…" she almost whispers and mentally grimaces on how pathetic those words sound like. No amount of her sadness is going to give him back what he has lost. "Maybe there's a chance–"

"She called it _a __**fucking **__fling_," his voice is harsh when he groans it out. "She was cheating on me for whole three months, sleeping with some bastard under my nose, in my own house…! When she got pregnant **she knew** Austin may not be my child but ignored it. Just like that! She was hoping the truth will never came out and if not for this goddamn results I may never know! I wonder if this jerk knows some idiot raises his child!"

By the time he finishes, his breathing is shallow and his anguish is evident in every line around his lips, cheeks, eyes. She feels the sudden urge to soften them with her fingers, caress them out with thumbs but touch is a gray area for them and she's not sure it would be wise to follow her desire. She tries to achieve same goal with words instead.

"Brian, you're **not** an idiot. You're the most caring and absorbed father, no matter if he's yours or not. And you couldn't have known she will betray you like that. You gave her your trust and trust is supposed to not be broken."

"That's it Katrina, I should have known! It was my fucking business to know…!" his fury crashes and he looks away. "She accused me it was my fault. That I have been working too long and she's barely seen me and she needed to find attention from someone else."

She spats. "What is that bullshit? That's not the reason to cheat!"

"I don't know." He sighs, his hand goes to massage the bridge of his nose before it falls limply at his side. "Maybe it is my fault too. Maybe I am a crappy husband and I deserved that," he bows his head, staring at their feet without recognition.

This time Katrina doesn't stop herself, she closes the gap between them to place her palm on his cheek, making him peer at her. "Listen to me, you **did not** deserved that Brian. **No one **deserves to be treated like that. Especially not you… you're wonderful person, okay?" she adds last four words with shyness, her usual voice softening and the corners of her mouth rise a bit to ease his trouble.

He watches her with that tired and mournful expression for a few heartbeats, then abruptly pulls her into a hug, his long arms circling her waist and his forehead rests in the crock of her neck. Even though it comes to her as a total surprise and she's not used to holding people close, she quickly catches up on and wraps her own arms around his neck. Saying she never thought about this… She did. Quite a lot actually.

As her body clings to his, she is surrounded by his smell and her head falls on his shoulder on its own volition, same goes with her eyes deciding to close and let her enjoy the embrace. She scolds herself internally, struggling to remember it's for _his_ comfort, not _her_ pleasure. However she tries to push away that nagging sensation, it comes back again reminding her the reality of his arms is much better than what her fantasies designed, not that she's willing to admit having any.

A while passes and his pulse is still heighten and he hears thudding in his ears that matches one in his chest, probably not solely effect of his painful emotions… Inhaling and exhaling her sweet fragrance simultaneously calms him down and wakes up deep buried yearning for more. He swallows that need, intent on keeping this intimate moment about solace he originally searched for, yet it doesn't stop itching in his hands. He didn't consider any of these reactions the moment he brought her flush with him and maybe he should now, before his control will slip off completely.

But when her fingers begin to dance in his hair, previous concerns momentarily vanish from his focus and he nuzzles into her skin in response. Finding her digits lazily threading through his short hair, gently scratching his skull is an astonishment for her too and she can't remember last time when she did the same with another human being. She guesses it had to be over a year ago, with the guy she dated at the time, but the memory is so distant, it's just a hunch. Present outscores whatever past holds and warmness spreads inside her. Acting on the care she had to suppress is an incredible relief.

What was singular motion starts to escalate and his nose draws barely palpable lines on the column on her neck, his breath leaving hot marks. Goosebumps erupt on her forearms and another shiver courses through her body, reflection of what happened between them in her office to evident to ignore. Katrina desperately doesn't want him to stop, although remains of her common sense object such an easy surrender.

"Brian, why are you here?" whisper escaping her like she has been afraid to speak up, the fear of destroying the moment too consuming.

"To talk to someone… To you."

"Why?"

"To make sense of what had happened."

"You didn't."

"I feel like I did," his voice is husky, such a contrast to the sensitive skin he feels underneath his lips and he wonders if it tastes so temptingly as it smells. Dizziness fill his mind and hands formerly glued on her back set on a journey to uncover lines of her body.

Breath hitches in her throat when she senses trial of wet kisses forming on her neck and she fights with an impulse to melt in his arms. "Brian, we shouldn't…"

"Why?"

Her first reaction is to mention his family, so far the only barrier really stopping them from giving up and it's gone, no longer an obstacle. They don't work together anymore, so she cannot hide behind no-affairs-rule either. She may lie she doesn't want it, but she doesn't want to lie and she definitely want it to happen. So what's holding her back from satisfying longing she couldn't fulfill in any other way?

"You're grieving… It's not–," she silences up moan growing inside with all her willpower, "it's not healthy. You're going to regret this."

That's it. The apprehension she feels has its core in dread he will resent himself tomorrow morning and her too for letting him capitulate. She's not ready to risk it, it's not gambling with a fifty-fifty bluff, it's so much more and she can't have that. Part of her already places him in her world again and scenarios where he is not present are submerged under the level of her consciousness.

He withdraws his mouth and shifts to look at her. His pupils are dilated and difficult to find in blackness of his irises, surprisingly calm expression on his features.

"Are you? Because I know I won't."

"How can you be so sure?" she doubts, anxiety she feels manifesting itself in her tone.

"Simple. I've never regretted anything about you, no matter how confused it left me."

She gulps on that confession, her cheeks covering with hue, but she's not done yet. Maybe she shouldn't overthink it as she does, though awareness she may be making fatal mistake right now holds her actions in a grip too tight to free herself. She lowers her gaze, shaking her head.

"Maye not yet, not now and not tomorrow, but soon enough you'll start to process all of that and you may come to a different conclusion. What will happen then? I don't want you to hate me, or worse – yourself."

"I basically run away from you, from the firm and you don't seem to hate me," he states and it doesn't make any sense to her.

"I don't…" her forehead creases, "but how's that connected? You didn't have any obligations toward me."

"I'm about to have now. I'm giving you my word, I won't regret whatever is going to happen now. Don't you worry about me," he kisses misery away from her forehead in light touches. To further confirm his statement, he brings her hand to his pulse point to show her how fast is his heartbeat. "I want this. So if you want this too… I guess we are on the same page."

Knot in her stomach unties itself slowly, being replaced by shy butterflies and she starts to submiss, especially when he is staring at her with that raw honesty. A stray thought crosses her mind saying she's going to hurt after that even more than after he left, but the promise of passion heating up her system shoves it into the darkest corner possible. As if he heard her musings, he caresses her nose with his in a Eskimo kiss, small smirk tugging on his lips.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Brian whispers, titling his head, almost touching her lips with his own. He gives her one last chance to back out, leaving that tiny leap to jump over before they will lose themselves in each other.

Her arms tighten on his neck, his wide shoulders preserving her shaky legs from falling as nervous tension is fleeing, spinning her world in the process. Determined though, Katrina stands on tiptoes and closes the gap between them. Everything that follows is blurred, physical sensations mix with emotions and she can't distinguish what's his doings and what's hers.

It starts slowly, two pairs of lips caress one another without the rush. His right hand cups the back of her head and tilts it carefully and the other finds its place on the small of her back, toying with the hem of her T-shirt. She keeps her position and balances herself with his help, yet he still has to bow his face to maintain connection. He cherish the difference between their heights and their bodies rock together, finding mutual rhythm, but everything changes when her lips part and his tongue sneaks inside.

Their lips come crashing this time, similarly impatient, nibbling, sucking. Out of blue, she playfully bites him to sooth the little wound the instance later, her hands firmly grasping the lapels of his jacket. He groans in response, experiencing the side of her he even didn't know existed – sexually teasing side – and loving every second of it, ready to find out more.

Brian pins Katrina against the wall, unequivocal answer to her provocation. His knee lands between her naked legs, widening them simultaneously as his palm lowers to gather handful of her ass. Her breasts brush against his chest and not only their torsos come into full contact.

It's obvious what makes her gasp, her hips rolling without her notice, primal part of her brain knowing exactly how to process with such course of action. As his lips leaves her, they descend to the initially occupied area, his intentions to elicit more breathless reactions. Hand spreads on his nape and she turns her head to the side. All the access she gives, all the control she loses… It doesn't matter when surrender is inevitable, his teeth mark the column of her neck and she moans, her body in a constant friction with his. If he thought he was able to stop any minute, his illusions are blown away right here and there as the noise she made goes straight to his groin. Currently pressing into her womanhood, by the way.

On pins and needles, her hands pushes back his jacket and with a bit of cooperation it lands on the floor. Next she reaches to undo his tie and tugs on it unsuccessfully, displeased grunt escaping her mouth and he laughs into her neck.

"Needing help up there?"

"No," she snorts, her focus fixed on the knot but fingers working clumsily.

He uses the opportunity to distract her, sucking in the place where neck meets the shoulder and both of his palms tickle backs of her thighs. She bites inside of her cheek, trying not to lose a concentration. Few more moves and she gets it done, throwing piece of material into unconcreted direction.

"You think you got this?"

"What?" he straightens, his hands carry up and rest on her hips.

"You think you are in charge?" she arches her brow at him.

His grin widen, flirtatious glint in his eyes.

"I guess it's that part when you tell me I'm not?"

"Because you're not," she states matter-of-factly.

"Tell me."

"I'd rather show you," she looks up and moistens her lips for a better outcome, coy smile on.

Brian bends forward and hums to her ear.

"_Hit me with your best shot, honey._"

She doesn't know the song, but the endearment on the end manages to make her shiver nonetheless, especially singed by that low voice of his. She takes his face in her hands and catches his lips in a searing kiss, one of her legs hooking around his. His arms close around her and new angle they bodies test is nothing but extraordinary.

Too much and not enough at the same time, Katrina brings her lips to his jaw in the same manner as he did. Her mouth enjoy light stubble scratching her cheek and she muses why she didn't notice it earlier, though doesn't risk thinking how would it feel in much, much lower places. She doesn't want to get her hopes up.

Brian's heart hammers in his chest and when she does _that_ with his Adam's apple, his eyes roll backwards and grumbling accompanies. Next thing he knows, he is leaning on the wall this time and her digits busy themselves with buttons of his shirt, kisses follow the path and his mind is filled with music.

_Something about you,_

Bite on his collarbone.

_It's like an addiction,_

Tickling of her hair and its sweet smell.

_**Hit me with your best shot, honey.**_

She pushes the cloth off and her delicate hands roam up and down his shoulders, ribcage, abdomen.

_I've got no reason to doubt you,_

If she's going to go any lower, he swears…

_Cause certain things hurt,_

Her lips stop just above his belt buckle and she draws a line with her tongue.

_And you're my only virtue,_

Almost in kneeling position, she looks up.

_And I'm virtually yours._

Breath catches in his throat and he helps her straighten with awe beaming from his eyes. Her eagerness is something he didn't expect and yet, it really completes the vision he has of her. When Katrina Bennett engages herself in something, she gives one hundred percent focus and devotion into it. That's one of her traits he truly adores – she achieves whatever goal she wants to achieve and does it without fuss or pride.

Brian's mind tries to find words fully expressing fascination her person rouses in him.

"I'm a dick I called you a robot."

Fuck, this is not what he wanted to say!

Mortified, his mouth open to correct the mistake, confident he screw this up and she will push him out of the door for his stupid comment. Yet, instead of doing that, she bursts out laughing, the sound she makes melodic. He recovers quickly, pretending he's done it on purpose and uses probably the most cliché joke he can come up with.

"Why are you laughing? My pants are still on."

Her nose scrunches adorable and little piggy squeal accompanies.

"Okay, oink oink, leave something for a bedroom," Brian shushes her, his lips stretched in a grin too, hands wandering under her T-shirts on the back. His gaze finds hers and they share a tender moment, simply watching each other as a giddy feeling softens their souls.

Her smile changes and becomes shy, he has seen her like that only once before – when he was messing with her about being her best friend – and he's truly honored this one belongs to him as well. For a second there he wonders if he deserves what she's offering, her expression speaking louder than words could, even though she's probably not aware how much affection she shows.

When he started working at Pearson Specter Litt, he – as all the associates – has seen Katrina as a heartless, career woman, tough lawyer who was mentored by Louis Litt and Robert Zane, both men having quick temper and demanding nature, so their protégé couldn't be much different. And for a while she was, until he gained her trust and discovered there's more than meets the eye. Warm, delicate, lovely awkward, passionate and caring person. Her sensitivity has been creating odd sensations in his body since what feels like always and currently it's tripling the haze in his mind, his attention solely on her.

Her voice brings him back into reality.

"I think it's time for your performance review," she tempts, taking his hands in hers and leading him deeper into the flat.

He chuckles. "I hope I'm not gonna hear I'm doing shitty job again."

"Changed measuring criteria, this time should be fair. I don't make same mistakes twice."

"Good. You're gonna like the results."

"Am I?" she arched her brows at him over the shoulder, passing the entrance to her bedroom.

"Let's find out." They stop near her bed, his lean form towering over her, palms instantly on her hips, tugging her T-shirt upward, but suddenly he halts.

"What's wrong?" _Did he changed his mind?_

"I see you enjoyed your meal," he flashes her a silly smirk, nodding toward her top.

Katrina looks down, noticing dark red stains on Hogwart's school logo she hasn't spotted earlier (but isn't actually surprised it exist) and snorts, rolling eyes.

"I may have happen to eat spaghetti in that shirt."

"And we both know how you eat," Brian pulls the garment off her head.

"Oh, shut up or you gonna get lower note," she teases, letting him unclasp her bra.

"Yes, ma'am."

To prevent himself from further talking, his lips find hers in a heated kiss, their bare skin touching. He steps out of his shoes and pushes her onto bed, following right after and their new, horizontal position is electrifying. On their own accord, his palms fill themselves with her breasts, eliciting a cry. It's like music to his ears and as soon as they come up for air, he travels down her body, set on the mission to smell and taste every part of her. Every part.


	4. The Teasing and Its Peak

There goes fourth chapter... This one is definitely M-rated, so if you're underage, I'd advise to leave it unread. I promise you won't miss a thing.

And for those who aren't - have fun? ;)

* * *

If she would give it a thought… No, that's a lie. When she was giving it a thought – those occasions happening after dark – she expected herself to drown in an embarrassment, once she would be left topless. To the amazement that may or may not fill her mind later, no such thing takes a place. Moreover, Katrina is on fire when his stubble grazes side of her breast, her legs wrapping around him in an encouraging embrace without her conscious decision.

Living the life of an empowered woman, she enjoys her independency and respect she is given and wouldn't change it for a world, but when it comes to sex activities… She likes light roughness – scratching of man's facial hair, pinning against the surfaces, teeth usage, those crimson hickeys and pulling on her long strands. Yet, she hasn't been with a man whom she could trust enough to indulge into such for a longer than she can't think of… Definitely not letting guys she dated few weeks or two months to treat her like that, even for her own pleasure.

Truth be told, they were mostly just arrogant jerks from the DA's office or some competing firms. No wonder she never let herself be vulnerable around them, when she did not gave them enough credit to believe they wouldn't steal case files from her place if she would have any. With Brian though… She feels so little boundaries when it comes to him it's scaring, she would allow him to do anything he wants with her and would gladly relish in that, just as she does now – receiving his sucking kisses on her chest and he plays with her nipples _oh so good._

Her hands reach as far as they can, threading through his hair, caress his shoulders, touch his arms and she grunts, half in pleasure and half in displeasure, because _has he be so damn long?_ _I want him closer. _The second the musing bobs in her thoughts, little voice inside assures her she's not going to grumble about it later and her pinkish cheeks redden. She can feel this much already, their hips moving together and she's exposed to the evidence of his arousal, sweet suffering through the thin material of her shorts.

Brian maps her body with his palms, learning the curves he previously only guessed about and its lovingly responding in his arms. He dares to use his teeth and is granted with a sharp inhale, a low moan of his name, then a stinging sensation of her nails on his shoulders. Keen of her reaction, he does it again, causing more whimpers on her side and more throbbing in the erection on his.

"Yes, yes, yes," she pleads, restless.

Brian leaves the hard peak for a moment to admire her dazed state. There's hue covering her face and neck, messy bun she had is messed up beyond the idea of messed buns and she looks attractively disheveled, a perfect contrast to her usual self.

Her eyes slowly flutter open.

"Come here," Katrina encourages, smiling tenderly and running her fingers up his forearms. He cannot resist her, but – how any man in his right senses could refuse such a request coming from an alluring woman as her?

Mirroring her expression, he pushes himself forward and cups her cheek in his palm, lacing their lips together and grinning into her mouth. She tastes like fresh mint and he hopes he didn't have anything gross for a lunch, but those concerns leaves him as soon as her hands wander down to his trousers. She promptly opens a belt, a button of the pants and a fly and using her legs helps him free himself out of its comfy prison.

"It's your turn," he chuckles, feeling her reaching for his briefs.

"You're more clothed," she murmurs, nibbling on his ear and running circles on his hips, enjoying toned skin under her fingertips, grazing the edge of V-shaped muscles underneath.

"Am I?"

"Socks."

"You sure you want them out? They're cool," this time his hand lowers itself to the level of her nether regions, cautiously sneaking it inside her shorts.

She tilts head to check out mentioned pieces of clothing and finds him wearing green colored socks in a black and white penguins. When her gaze gets back to his face, he is having that stupid smirk and raised eyebrows. _Half of his mimic lays in brows_, she muses.

"That's your definition of cool?"

He feigns disappointment and sighs. "There's still a hell lot of work ahead of me, I see. Okay, don't worry Brian, baby steps. She's learned to joke, she's gonna learn to be fun just the same."

"Hey," she pats his chest, pretending to be offended. "I knew how to joke before I met you!"

"Did you?" And here it is, this amused yet challenging face she has grown to adore.

"Yes, for your information I'm super fun person. I even have a dachshund on my desk at the office. Now strip these off and stop talking," she raises her own eyebrows to make a point.

"Or what you're gonna do?" he bites on her lower lip and sucks the mark to fluster her.

"I'm gonna… lower your score."

"Yeah, about all that lowering…" he trails off and before she has time to ask, in one swift motion he pulls her shorts down her legs and she squeals with a surprise. "I wouldn't like to lose points by talking too much, you're right."

An exhale leaves her when his mouth makes contact with her knee and anticipating tingling in her stomach intensifies. Her hips insist she keeps moving them impatiently, but that teeny, tiny part of her brain that hasn't melted yet prefers to save some bits of her dignity. But _fuck_, she hasn't feel so cherished in a very long time. It feels just like… Like the whole world doesn't matter and the only place that exist is here, with him caressing her, his whole focus fixed solely on giving her pleasure and driving her mad. Involutionary moan rolls off Katrina's tongue and she arches her back slightly.

"Can you just…"

"Do what?" he licks his way up her thigh, parting her legs to make room for his wide shoulders.

"You know what…"

"No, I don't."

"I will not beg," she declares in the last attempt, gripping the duvet to not let her fingers find the swollen, aching nub between her legs and bring herself release.

"For what?" he plays, his kisses dangerously close to the rim of her panties.

With an inhale he drowns in the musky smell of her sex and he has to stop himself from changing his plans and ripping them off, diving right in. He doesn't know how this innocent (okay, not so innocent, but still gentlemanlike) journey up her body turned into the game of power, but is ultimately pleased with the outcome. Making Katrina surrender to his ministrations is something he has never let himself to dream of and even if he did, he doubts it would be nowhere near the reality. Raw feeling in his chest, like possessiveness mixed with a primal male pride spreads in his veins, because causing such fierce and down-to-earth woman as she is to whimper is an achievement, indeed.

"_Brian_."

"Mhmmm?" he hums, sending vibrations to her core and his teeth are teasing the line of her underwear, his fingers sneaking under to touch her hipbones, but no further, his breath is warming her already hot entrance and going more south… Well, tent in his briefs speaks for itself.

"_Brian…_" she drawls his name, these few letters personal mantra in her head.

Dazed with the smell of her arousal, he let his forefinger touch the dampness in the center of her lingerie with a featherlike pressure, curious about the wetness hidden by a navy blue material. She pushes her hips higher to deepen the sensation, yet he withdraws his digit just as quickly. She groans, but fights to keep her façade.

"I won't lose to you," she moves her feet to his ass, stealthily moving her toes under the band and shoving the cloth down his legs.

Her try to regain control comes to a naught when he abruptly abandons his previous spot, unceremoniously pulls the briefs all the way down and throws it somewhere behind. The second he moved away from her, her eyes snapped open and she has seen his erection sprang free, her assumptions more than correct. Katrina's inner walls clench in a telltale sign of how sumptuously filled she's going to be in a matter of minutes.

"Like what you see?" he catches her staring and another wave of redness covers her already flushed cheeks. She does. Very much. So much, she is on the brink of begging him to take her. Or pleading to wrap her palm around the most impressive penis she has ever seen.

Her lips curls into little 'o' shape, inaudible yes dancing in her mind and painful need slipping into every pore of her being.

Her expression being enough as an answer, he does next surprising thing and holding her gaze, with an ease takes down her panties. Truth be told, he doesn't even have to ask her to help him, she's raising her hips the moment his digits touch her. Her underwear joins his on the floor and he is still keeping their eyes locked. How he looks at her though… As if she was the most dazzling creature in the world.

With a hunger so unmistakable her self-esteem strikes to the clouds.

With a lust so dark his eyes are black.

With a passion so firing it burns.

With an affection she never dared to find there.

And she breaks.

"Make me yours."

Her words comes in a submissive moan she's going to think of many, many times later, but not right now, no. Now Katrina Bennett isn't the woman of rationality and cold decisions. She's shivers and goosebumps and sensations and _want_. She's the reason of his groan and aching in his loins and exhilarating taste on his tongue, when he parts her lower lips and drinks as a thirst man he is. She's cries and grunts and shuddering in a heat his _wonderful_ mouth generate, nibbling and licking and sucking in all the right places. She's his undoing and as much as he doesn't understand why her fragrance and aroma works on him so badly, even if he would be blind, even if he would be deaf, touching her would be enough to make him fall for her as much as he does the very moment. And she's falling too.

It doesn't take long before she's reaching her first orgasm, trembling underneath his mouth and tightly grasping his hair, wishing for that exotique feeling to never subside. With a different man she might be worrying if she's not screaming too loud or too whiny, if her facial expression isn't too ugly or thousand other aspects of her appearance, but with Brian… No. She fell for him in the first place, because she felt utterly comfortable in his presence and as it shows, that didn't subside once the situation changed. On the other hand, what more do you need than experiencing the bliss in the most natural and free way, feeling safe enough to just be yourself?

Brian deliberately slows his movements to finally depart from between her legs, shifting his weight next to her, admiring the masterpiece laying by his side. The image of her swollen from biting lips, loose strands hallo over her head, body actually glowing with the pleasure he gave her… That's going to stay with him forever.

From his thoughts pulls him a palm gently cupping his cheek and a look so tender, he can't stop himself from kissing her knuckles. Yes, he's still shaking with the desire inside, needing relief from his painful erection, but he wouldn't forgive himself if he didn't let her recover first. Oversensitive as she has to be, she deserves a minute to calm down from her high.

"Hey," he speaks softly, observing her coming back to the reality.

"Hey," she answers dreamily, her eyes shining so bright he can swear they are stars. Blue oceans stars.

"So how was it?" he flashes her a confident smile, wiggling his brows.

She shakes her head lightly, grinning so wide her face hurts, but trying to hide her awe a bit with a tease.

"There are huge chances you're not going to get fired this time."

He chuckles, bowing to capture her lips in a kiss.

Instantly, she senses her own taste and it sparks the flare in her back again. Wrapping her hands around his neck, she tells him to move and he does it gladly. Brian hovers above her for a second, his strong arms creating small cage around her and it gives her notion of a protection, something she probably haven't fully experienced from a man in her whole adult life. Her heart flutters and she wraps her legs around his hips in an embrace, settling his manhood exactly where they both needed it to be.

"I think it's time for a second part of your _performance_ review," Katrina whispers straight to his ear, biting its lobe to accentuate her intentions.

His mouth movements grow more urgent on her neck as his lower body rub alongside her slick lips. Like in the trance, he sucks and licks the creamy column of her skin, leaving hickeys here and there and as soon as he's done, he does the same to her breasts. She knows she won't take it anymore as his tip grazes her entrance one too many times and all she wants is to push herself up to meet their bodies in the most intimate touch, but a thought alarms her enough to utter, "Condoms. Third drawer. Now."

He pulls away from her, lost expression marking his features before the meaning of her words sink in. Grateful for his long limbs, Brian stretches into the mentioned direction and fumbling in the mass of different objects, his fingers grasp slippery surface of a cuboid. He rips foil from the package and opens it, taking smaller square sachet in his teeth to drop the box on the nightstand. Well-practiced with the protection, he hurriedly rolls it down his member.

Meeting her sight, he sees her smirking and returns it doubly, then grabs her ass to position himself in her opening. He moves to his forearms, his body flushes with her as much as humanly possible and he ask the last question, "you ready?"

"Mhmm," she purrs, already too engrossed in leaving hot kisses on his jaw and shoulder to care about anything else in the world. He laughs internally in a delight of her, _one hundred percent is one hundred percent _and she's really something else in his life. Katrina draws his lips to hers using the hand in his hair and that's the moment their bodies collide.

Despite the greatest efforts both of them may take, even despite how amazing team they make and how _goddamn_ good work they do, all of this would be futile for them to describe the feeling of their joining together as a one. Best dictionary and best song writer wouldn't capture the heavenly sensation of her tight walls milking his throbbing manhood when his hips carry him in and out of her in a steady tempo, making them both breathless. She clings to him, body and soul, crying out soft moans, driving him into his own madness. But he doesn't remain in dept to her either, mercilessly hitting the softest spot in her and making her back arch in an ecstasy. They rock in a sync, one impatiently seeking release more than the other, but it doesn't matter, not really, since the second one follows just after in a longing for the peak.

"Harder. Faster," she commands, but there isn't a thing he wouldn't do for her right now, not when her order is his deepest wish.

Brian's thrusts becomes more erratic and she meets him for each one as he speeds up, pushing into her with force of man in his most crazed state. Not sure how long he will survive, one of his digits slips between their bodies to ensure his lover is going to reach the climax just like he will. She gasps, overwhelmed with stimuli and closes her eyes tightly, thriving in his devotion. Fingers buried in his hair almost as much as he is buried within her, she shifts her legs higher and with a little help of his hand hooks them on his shoulders.

What happens next is just a pure bliss.

Few more strokes and her walls spasm, sending her off into the oblivion and he joins her in the next four moves. Moans and grunts fill the little air that's left in the room, they crash and crash and crash, spiraling into the best possible madness.

Finally, as a nature dictates, he finishes spilling into the thin protection separating them and gradually comes back to his senses. At least partially, as he feels her insides still quivering and hides his face in the crock of her neck, waiting. After a while she calms down with a most contented sigh, lowering first one, then another limb from his body and simply as it is, smooths his back with her palm. The situation requires no words as both of them rest, enjoying each other company and granting comfort of being together.

Brian slowly opens up his eyes and kisses her temple, before he shifts backwards to take in the sight of a woman underneath his body. She's observing him with a shy expression, blush covering her cheeks and making her look so girly in a comparison with a raw pleasure coloring up her features moments before. Her hand brushes off a droplet of sweat running down the side of his face, tiny gesture managing to create the odd sensation in his heart all over again.

The blow of a cold air from outside the window hits his bare back and he realizes how the heat fades away, leaving their bodies damp and chilling.

"We should–" he murmurs, looking aside, but she interjects, aware of his intention.

"Yeah," Katrina nods, the intimacy of the moment breaking with a slight awkwardness.

He withdraws, rolls over her and hides condom in the tissues taken from her nightstand. That's the part romantic comedies don't tell – how are you supposed to proceed after the hook up?

In the meantime Katrina managed to take off her hairband and comb her hair with the fingers slightly, already covered by the duvet, now deciphering the following course of action. Brian casts a side glance at her and gladly finds her as unsure what to do as he is, so he decides to act on the instinct, though try to make it easier for her at the same time.

He chuckles. "We ain't gonna cuddle until I'll get my note. And it'd better be positive," he winks on her, getting under the covers.

"It is," she blushes, looking away. It's really cute how determined and organized person she is on a daily basis, yet when it comes to human relations and intimacy she seems to lose her confidence somehow.

"Yeah, how many percent?" Brian inquires, settling on his side and facing her.

"Enough to give you 'good job' sticker?"

He pretends to consider it. "What about two stickers and a lollipop?"

"I can go with one sticker and the lollipop. Take it or leave it."

"Then I'm going to keep you by your word about the lollipop," he smiles mischievously, causing her to gasp, because she wasn't aware of the double meaning of her offer.

"Oh, I actually didn't mean–"

"Too late for that," he announces just before capturing her lips in a surprisingly chaste kiss, but she melts nonetheless.

His long arms circle her upper half and when they part, he pulls her on top of him, so she can snuggle to his chest. He has to admit, she still does it somehow reluctantly, despite what they have just done.

"I've got a sense you're uncomfortable?"

"Uhm, it's not that…" Katrina shifts in the spot, bit tensed.

"So what?"

She sighs, tilting head to catch his gaze. "I'm not used to sleep without clothes on."

He eyes her carefully, not shooting the comment that popped in his head right away. Getting your girl offended just after sex isn't the best decision, every guy should know that. Even though she's not _his_ girl, leaving aside she pleaded him to make her his…

"That would explain you getting to sleep in a bra and underwear," he states finally. "You want us to dress up?"

Her forehead creases when she thinks about his question. "There's no need… It's just… feeling weird."

"I won't mind if we'll put something on," he reassures her, yet his hand moves up and down her back in a caressing style, trying to convince her to stay bare as she is right now.

Is he succeeding?

Oh, screw him, of course he is.

"No, I think I'll be okay…" she decides, nestling her head more into the crock of his neck and exhaling deeply. Once she lets herself loosen up, she notices she hasn't been so relaxed in a very long time. Probably the benefit of the post-orgasmic mix of the best hormones swirling in her bloodstream.

Katrina's eyelids slowly fall closed as silence falls in the room too, their breaths the only sound.

"You know, actually I'm wearing clothes," he states out of blue and wiggles his feet out of the cover to show her socks he still has on.

She grumbles, rolling her eyes. "I see your taste in socks mirrors one you have for ties?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You're ridiculous."

"You ain't cool," he murmurs as sleepiness starts to heavy on him as well and his movements become slower.

"I am," she counters in a similar manner.

"Hmm, tell me about it."

"I would rather show you… later," Katrina sighs rubbing her cheek against his chest. Dark, curly hair tickles her, but she doesn't mind, she has never been after boys anyway.

"Fair enough," he kisses her head absentmindedly, tightening his embrace around her.

Neither of them think what will bring tomorrow as they peacefully descend into the world of dreams, single care not appearing on their radar. No, tonight isn't about consequences, about lost fight against the magnetic pull, about the battle they were never meant to win. About issues they will have to face in the future. Let's not worry beforehand.

This night is theirs – to relish in the feeling they've never let themselves to have. Behind all those boundaries separating them was hidden something pure, surprisingly sweet and full of trust, despite the limited time they spend together… as friends. And now, since the status quo was breached… Who knows where's that going to take them?


	5. Will Come to Bite You in the Ass

And the story continues... For my very patient in her impatience friend.

WARNING: parts written in a cursive are only for adults! ;)

* * *

New day at Specter Litt Wheeler Williams is as erratic as it's supposed to be. There are hearings to be done, motions to be filled and cases to be won, yet Katrina Bennett's not here. At least she's not there until it's really too late to excuse herself with traffic jams or a morning crisis. Good thing though, she doesn't have to explain her late arrival to any supervisor since she has became the youngest senior partner in the history of this firm and as long as she gets the job done, nobody would care if she's around or not.

She puts her bag on the window's shelf and exhales through mouth, still in the awe about last fourteen hour's events. With a special accent on _events_, as her body is still gleaming with remains of a joining they have shared over an hour ago. How did Brian talk her into doing _that_ even when they've overslept (thanks to her not set alarm and his turned off phone) is a mystery to her… Okay, she hasn't been particularly resistant to his charm, but still – work always came first, didn't it?

Shiver goes down her spine and her cheeks redden when her thoughts go back to _the moment_.

"_Oh fuck, it's already eight!" she curses, staring at (too bright to her liking) screen and says more to herself than to him, "why didn't the alarm go off?!" as she sits._

_Brian rolls on his back from a spooning position he was before Katrina started making fuss and stretches. "You sure it was on?" Yawn escapes his lips and she tilts her head abruptly toward him hearing that stupid question._

"_Of course it was, I always set it…" her voice fades as the realization settles in, "right before sleep… It's all your fault," she grumbles, but she's not mad at him. _

_Ready to start the damage control, she tries to get out of the bed, simultaneously leaving her nude state covered and not uncovering his, yet soon enough she figures out – it's not going to work out this way._

"_Yeah, sorry I didn't remind you," he replies sarcastically, observing her doings. One could say he's extremally chilled for someone who's also late and he doesn't have a comfort of a high rank independency to save him, but one wouldn't know he has 'my child got sick' excuse up his sleeve. Not that he still has a child… Nope, not going there. No. Just no. "Hey, you have any meeting this morning?"_

_She displays him her bare back, scanning the floor for clothes she may use to shield herself with. "Not until quarter to noon, why are you asking?" She gazes at him from her spot._

_His long arm sneaks around her waist then as he shifts closer to her. "Cause if we are already late for work anyway, we can at least make it worth it," he smiles with his characteristic smirk (forty percent of a grin, thirty of brows and twenty of a creased forehead)._

"_I'm never late. And I won't be more even for sex," she reprimands him, not giving up._

"_Never?"_

"_Never."_

"_Well, glad to be your first time then," he states just before he starts kissing her shoulder from behind and making his journey up her neck. Taken by surprise, Katrina's breath momentarily hitches up her throat by the contact._

"_Brian," she warns him, spelling every letter very distinctly, but her movements halt._

"_Come on, it's not like Louis is going to get mad, you're your own boss now," he tempts, locating his nibbles close to her ear and starting sucking on the lobe._

"_You have work too…" she manages to let out, but even to her it sounds weak, especially when her head angles on its own accord to give him more space._

"_Don't worry about me," he whispers while his hands busy themselves with roaming up and down her front. "And as far as I remember, you promised to show me something earlier…," he finishes his sentence with a bite._

_Katrina moans and her body arches into his touch, yet her hands stay atop the duvet. Why has he be like that?!"I didn't know you're so cocky," she complains and it's a silly comment to make by someone who responds to his ministrations so gladly. _

_Brian ceases his efforts and waits till she tilts to look at him, then he sends her boyishly confident smile, his eyes sparkling and his hair so mussed, she has to stop herself from threading her fingers through them. _

"_You still don't know quite a few things about me," he bends to mark her lips with a featherlike kiss what throws her off a bit, because it's not what she expected given his evident purpose. "But I'm always glad to share." He repeats the motion. She parts her lips, leaning more into the kiss and when he pulls away, her palm gathers handful of his curls to prevent him from moving. And this way he has her exactly where he wanted. _

_His tongue sneaks out to meet hers and soon enough she forgets about her previous concerns as he pushes her onto her back and hovers over her body with his own. _

"I don't think I've ever seen you late."

Katrina flinches with an inaudible gasp, a calendar – she held but wasn't actually studying – drops to the desk with a thud and she turns around startled.

"Gosh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Donna apologizes, but eyes the lawyer with a suspicion. "Is everything fine, Katrina?"

"Uhmm, yeah, everything's okay," she manages to say, straightening up to compose herself. She just hopes her cheeks aren't as red as hot they feel.

They are.

Donna steps into the office from her leaning in the doorframe position, trying to guess what caused such a visceral reaction in the other woman. Seeing Katrina so flushed is not an usual event and the reason behind it has to be similarly uncommon, what picks up redhead's curiosity. She sits in the chair in front of the desk with grace only she posses and smiles warmly, because step number one of gathering up the information without prying it is – make them believe your motives are as pure as your heart.

"So where have you been this bright morning, huh?"

Katrina swallows the nervousness that suddenly awoke in her system and tries to reciprocate the grin.

"I've been… busy. I needed to close some deal before I got to work."

_Her hands map his biceps and shoulders, while their lips dance the oldest dance ever created and she finds herself gently shuddering under his touch. Yet this time her mind is slightly clearer than yesterday and she remembers how this whole tease has started. Since she gave him her word…_

"_Brian."_

"_Hmmm," he hums, sucking on her lower lip._

"_Turn on your back," she commands, aware he's too tall for her to do it on her own._

"_Why?"_

"_I promised you sticker and the lollipop. I want to deliver the second part of the deal," she grins mischievously and not a second passes when her sense of balance notices roll and change of position. She sits astride his hips._

"_You in?" she asks rhetorically, feeling his eagerness beneath her._

"_I'm in."_

"Oh, I didn't see it in your calendar," Donna mentions, gazing at her with an innocent interest.

"It's because I wasn't planning for this meeting to happen today… Though I've got special request and decided I can squeeze it in before my next meeting in…" she checks out her watch and corners of her mouth tug upward with a polite but _can-you-go_ smile, "thirteen minutes."

"Right, about that," Donna feigns an amazement and snaps her fingers, "this is why I've been looking for you all morning. Tuckey was trying to reach you and say he won't make it to the meeting 'cause his flight was delayed and we rescheduled it for three o'clock today. You didn't have anything signed up, so I thought it would be good."

"Ekhm, yeah, it's… fine," Katrina mutters, drawing an arrow in her calendar to change the hour of the meeting and gazing back at her friend.

"In case… you have something else to do at this time?" redhead raises her brows to indicate that she guesses what kind of the _meeting_ the blonde was having earlier.

The lawyer blushes more and shakes her head no, fully aware she has been seen through. _Donna and her ways, ugh!_ At least she can be sure her _secret meeting_ will stay a secret and if anyone will question her absence, the redhead will have her back.

COO of SLWW chuckles, rolling her eyes with a knowing smirk. It was a piece of cake for her skills but it's still nice to know she can use them in other ways than tricking firm's enemies or saving their asses, lately – hers and Harvey's. Thanks God it's over now and taken damage control worked out just fine. And Katrina deserves some quality _business time_ like no other.

"I'll let you catch up on work then," Donna states, throwing Katrina last glance over her shoulder and leaving her alone with her thoughts.

Very vivid thoughts.

_She might have rather long break, since the last time she's grated any of her lovers with this kind of treasure, but given the grunts her ministrations elicit from Brian's throat, she's doing just fine and truth be told, she's pleased with herself as well. Her hand tighten at the base of his member at the same time as she quicken her pace, moving both her palm and her mouth up and down his impressive length. A moment passes and she hears more guttural moan than previous ones._

"_Woah, Katrina, you'd better… Aghr, darling… You'd better stop now," he drawls through his teeth, releasing blonde hair he had in his grip and tucking loose strands behind her ear. She looks up at him, her incredible lips still wrapped around his manhood and he has to bite a side of his cheek to stop himself from finishing here and there. "Please?"_

_Katrina moves away with loud plop. "Did you just begged me?" she quirks her eyebrow at him, her fingers still caressing his groin. _

_He helps her shift up his body and given a chance he captures her in a searing kiss, bringing her flush with him. She melts internally when he circles her waist so close, she can feel his heartbeat against her own. "You misheard me I guess," he breathes out between nibblings, directing his hand toward her folds._

_She whimpers when his digits make a contact with her slickness and he dives deeper, rubbing little bundle of nerves that drives her crazy. He would never thought he is going to find her so ready after fellatio, yet here she is – definitely wet and like a siren singing to his desire. Although having his head clouded with need, he still manages to sneak a comment on that, because he wouldn't be himself otherwise._

"_I know you have a sweet tooth but enjoying simple lollipop so much? You're full of surprises."_

_She half giggles, half groans, not entirely believing he said so._

"_This is the worst thing I've ever heard. Ever. And I heard Louis talk about methods of planned parenthood."_

"_I've heard Louis talk about nipples, but let's not bring Louis into this, shall we?" he pleads, biting on her pulse point. _

"_Hey, you started that!" she counters, now rocking on his fingers and an overwhelming sensation starts to build deep in her navel. _

"_Yeah and I'm finishing it. Forget I said anything," his mouth wander down her collarbone to find mentioned earlier part of the breast. _

This time buzzing takes her back to the reality and she fishes her phone from her purse. It's a message from _him_, saying he hopes she's doing better than him, because he cannot focus on anything. She snorts, choosing not to reply to the text, so she won't fall into the trap of a conversation. There is a time for pleasures and there is a time for work and she's spend enough on the first one already.

Around the two in the afternoon she is finally able to go the kitchen to fix herself a cup of coffee. With regained sense of a control over the ship called her cases, she gives herself fifteen minutes long break – just enough to make a drink and catch her breath before she will have to go through Tuckey's files once again before rescheduled meeting. _No funny business there._

When she's about to add milk, she hears very familiar set of steps behind herself and smile stretches her lips on its own. She turns around to face her mentor.

"Hello Louis, how are you… today?" she asks somehow guessing his answer after miserable expression he wears. "What's wrong?"

Managing partner sighs, massaging the bridge of his nose. "I think unfortunately it's nothing you can help me with, Katrina" he states with gravity.

"Did something happened?" she presses, watching him taking prunie out of the fridge.

He makes exaggerated wave of hand. "I was just left on the battlefield by the only person who seemed to be having my back on this war," the man complains, mixing the content of the glass.

"Louis…?" her brows knit.

"Okay, if you must know, I've been trying to contact Brian whole morning and he doesn't take my calls. God knows I wouldn't bother him if the matter wouldn't be of the highest importance and we are running out of time!"

She clearly didn't expect to hear that and she's actually surprised Louis is still in touch with Brian after he left the firm. Some part of her tries to understand it's none of her business, but other part – bigger part – keeps nagging at her to get more information.

"You two talk?"

"Yeah, we have been mostly texting, ekhm you know, like father with father. He helps me figure out this whole thing and I've to admit," he nods to confirm his words, "guy's knows what he's doing, even though he's being an asshole today."

_That's probably why they say curiosity is a first step to hell_, she thinks, getting uneasy due to mentioning of Brian's parenthood.

"And… what's so important?"

"Sheila is nearing fourth month and we don't want to miss the boat with signing up for childbirth classes, by the way – you have no idea how stuffed those courses are – and Brian promised me that when the time will come, he will share the phone number with me to the place he and his wife were attending when she was pregnant."

_He and __**his wife**__..._

"He told me they teach everything from breathing through pushing to bathing and we should start soon, there's so much to learn! Brian says it's natural once the baby is in the world, but _hello_," the managing partner accents last word, "it's the most complicated organism in the world and I'm gonna nail it, so I need my preparation!"

Katrina gulps and double blinks listening to Louis's problem.

"Also women in second trimester are known to have higher libido and _I'm not going to complain about it_, but how can I be so sure I won't, you know, hurt the baby? He said when Julie was pregnant they had one of the crazies sex times, like they were back in college and the only difference was that she was bearing his child – I think is even more _amazing_ to make love to the mother of your child – yet, all those shaking…" he presents the motion with his palm. "It really concerns me, you know?"

Three minutes ago she was having the best day since she got promoted and now she feels like someone has slapped her in the face, the realization she locked down yesterday coming to her at full force.

Brian may have been cheated on. He may have not been Austin's biological father.

But he is still legally married with a long history of love and partnership and the child still has his name.

She… she was not prepared.

"Oh, my God...! Fuck. Katrina, I'm sorry," the managing partner exclaims after short reflection caused by the drop of her face and how her eyes suddenly became distant. He's such an idiot to remind her of the only person he has ever seen her having romantic feelings for, the very person she couldn't have. "Hey, I didn't mean to make you sad, okay?" he steps closer to her and puts his palm on her shoulder.

Katrina doesn't answer, just follows his movement with her eyes. The mentor misinterprets her state as sadness instead of shock and clumsily gathers her in his arms, trying to repair the damage he thinks he's done. The blonde's forehead creases further and her breath gets bit shallow as cold guilt starts to heavy in her stomach.

"I know his leave has to be hard for you, believe me, I know the most… But he didn't have much choice, Katrina, I'm sorry to say that. He's done it for his family. I'm sure under all that hurt you understand it too. Sometimes one just have to make hard choices and remember the family comes first, before wishes and desires," Litt gently pats her on the back.

… _family comes first, before wishes and desires…_

She has slept with a married man.

She moaned to him to make her his.

She's literally a _homewrecker._

The younger lawyer pulls away abruptly, crippled inside by her own actions. "I'm fine. I'm fine," she assures way to quickly for Louis to believe her. "I'm going back to work," she adds, not looking straight at him and turns around on her heel a second after, making her way out of kitchen, her coffee long forgotten.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," she whispers back, but the sound is too quiet for him to hear it.

"_Brian…" she moans, getting restless on his fingers as her need grows more urgent. Her palm wraps around the hard shaft and she pumps him to make him hurry._

_Without unnecessary words, he reaches blindly to the nightstand with his long arm and grabs the box of condoms. He passes her square foil with a raise of brows, throwing a challenge. Katrina snorts with a definitely-not-shy grin plastered to her face and rips the package open with one bite, next rolls it down his length. _

_Brian pushes himself into full sitting position now, with his back resting against pillows and helps her settle above his manhood, what she does impatiently. Well aware how amazing it's going to feel, she sinks on him without the hesitation, causing them both to moan. Her eyes roll under closed eyelids as her lady muscles accommodate him and he needs a second to gather himself as well. _

_After the initial wave, he interlaces their hands, creating natural lever and she's grateful of his thoughtfulness, using their combined strength to rise and fall on him. She senses him watching her and her gaze meets his. The gleam she sees is there makes her heart ache with emotions she cannot describe, not when her whole self is shaking. He smiles at her and brings her closer. Close enough for their lips to touch, but not enough for them to kiss and it drives her wild. Her movements grow faster as she tries to catch his mouth, but he withdraws each time she thinks she got him. _

_Groan leaves her despite her greater efforts to not give him this kind of satisfaction and she notices his triumphant grin just before he captures her lips in a bruising kiss. This time she moans, the noise muffled, but it boils his blood anyway. _

"_Jesus, tell me you're close," he pants, thrusting into her as much as he can in that position. _

"_Mhmm," she cries, her tone pitched and her consciousness descending into nirvana._

"_Come on," he allures, switching his sight from her swollen lips to deliciously bouncing breasts. The end is near and he knows it. "Come for me, darling." _

_All that years she thought it's the silliest what one can say in an intimate situation, though now she arches her back and rides him with maximum vigor, thoroughly turned on by his words. If she would have it in herself, she may ask what have gotten into her, but for fuck's sake, who cares?_

_Katrina bites down the cry, suddenly really short on breath and untangles her fingers from his, the need to have them wrapped around his shoulders primal and consuming. His palms instantly settle on her hips, then lower themselves to caress the curves of her rear, helping her up and down. Soon enough her digits grasp the hair on the back of his head, signaling she is almost there._

"_Yeah, just like this," he grunts low, looking at her with hooded eyes. "Come on, darling, I'll catch you." _

_And he does. _

Panic. She hasn't felt this kind of panic since she was twenty years old in a summer job requiring from her lot more than she had to give. She was living in a constant fear she messed something big time, disproportionately huge sacrifice for someone who just wanted to earn some money. She knew she was too caring, too perfectionistic in what she was doing, never letting herself make a mistake. For what? She just made one and she screwed up even bigger than she could back then. Probably the biggest in her life.

Katrina swallows, her eyes trained on her shoes and her nails piercing the skin of her knees. The nauseating sensation churning in her stomach is powerful enough to make her question her ability to hold herself together, especially the tea she had earlier. She feels a bitter taste in her mouth and is sure that's the flavor of disgust and resentfulness when it's directed to oneself. Drumming of her own heart in her ears isn't helping either.

It's one thing to fuck up a case, entirely different to fuck up someone else's life.

No, not just one life. Three lives.

There is also coldness. Guilt cold as ice cripples down her system, she's freezing and her legs are weak, this is why she sits in a bathroom stall. And sits and sits and wallows in the self depreciating mixture she made herself for a time period she cannot clearly decipher. The reflections of their encounters keep flooding her mind mercilessly – Brian's large palms caressing her body, how his lips tasted, the strength of his body bringing them into the extasy… Why did she let it happen?

Why the hell didn't she stop them? She should have, she tried to, why didn't she try harder? Why was she so ignorant?! He wasn't in his right mind, she should have persuade him against it or just kick him out of her apartment if she couldn't keep her hands to herself.

Tears prick in her eyes and she tries to squeeze them out. She failed to preserve her grand rules of rightfulness, she failed to find a justification for her actions and she failed to control her crying. She's a failure.

_No, no, I'm not. _

She weakly fights the voice in her head, but she cannot argue it wholeheartedly. Because there is no excuse for what she has done and part of her is aware she deserves all of the emotions she currently experiences. Part of her even needs them, needs to punish herself in some way as compensating for her wrongdoings is impossible. The strategists she has always been may say there's a solution: making sure Julie never finds out, forget and never talk to Brian ever again. Leave the past where it is and never look back.

Yet debris of her dignity would never allow her to do it and she knows it.

Because what they've done is going to mess up everything not only between two of them but also between Brian and the woman he swore loyalty and the child he would die for. Despite being single for the better part of her life, she's always been person saying that issues of a marriage should try to be resolved first within the marriage. If there's any saying about fixing what was broken in their marriage, what she has let to happen is not going to help them. Maybe it'll be the reason there will be nothing to rebuild altogether and the baby boy out there will lose a chance to have a dad and a whole family.

_Well done, bitch._

Katrina takes trembling breath and shudders. Calling herself all those names and falling apart morally won't get her anywhere, no matter how much she hopes it would. Sooner or later she will have to face the music and she would better know how to dance to it. She's thoroughly exhausted, but she must gather enough strength to learn the steps, cost be damned. There has to be something she can do to minimalize the damage she has done. Honestly, her heart never felt heavier.

Quick glance at her watch tells her she didn't only fucked the married man, she managed also to screwed the meeting that hasn't even begun yet by not preparing to it at all. She wipes the tears with the back of her hand. Great, now she's not only a terrible woman, she's a terrible lawyer as well.

Standing up on the trembling legs, she finally makes it out of the bathroom stall. Every muscle she has feels stiff, yet she can sweat her insides are made of Jell-O. When she straighten her palm in front of herself, the whole hand shakes and she lets out a painful sigh. The exhale turns into inhale as Katrina walks to the big bathroom mirror and what she sees in front of her…

Messed hair, red contours around eyes, dark shadows right beneath them, hue covering cheeks and lips swollen from biting on it. Snort escapes her after the examination of her appearance, all because it's hard not to express what a shitty look she has. Her own creation to be completely honest. She takes a tissue in the hand and carefully dries skin underneath her bottom eyelashes, rinsing the remains of her mascara. It turns out to be rather complicated task and she's thankful for the empty bathroom, as she has a moment to get back to the bearable state of being.

Fighting with the strains, she tilts head in the process and dark, purple bruise escapes from the cotton prison of her turtleneck, flashing it's hickey face into the mirror. She squeezes her eyes shut for a second, tightness in her chest not leaving. Will it ever? How is she supposed to live through her life now, knowing she made such terrible mistake? She hates cheaters. She disrespects the mistresses for consciously playing with other people relationship's stability. She has just become one.


End file.
